The Decluttering Method That Starts from the Inside Out

For what seems like the hundredth time you add “Go through my closet” on the to-do list. For some reason writing this down again nearly brings tears to your eyes. Feeling so exhausted and exasperated at having tried to tackle this one simple task. It’s one closet. You have given up multiple weekend hours and made very little progress.

Before that, so many hours were spent Googling “How to declutter a closet” or “The best system to maintain an organized closet?” Googling Pinterest boards and watching “The Home Edit.” It’s so beautiful when “they” reveal the rainbow results.

Screw you rainbows! You had organized your closet rainbow style once and in a few months your rainbow had faded.

Why is it that whatever you have tried, in a few months it’s back to what it was.

Nothing ever changes. Old habits always resurface. The old way isn’t better, it's just easier. The new way feels forced and foreign. But seriously, it’s a damn closet. Why is this so hard?

The defeat and rage are crawling up your throat but instead tears start to fill your eyes. All of these emotions are real. How do people make organizing an entire house look so easy?

Here is the truth. In the streaming shows, or on social media no one is honest with you.

So, I will be honest with you.

There are gobs of people working on those projects and it takes weeks to prepare for the final reveal. The planning, purging, purchasing, labeling, organizing, glitches, clearing clutter, and on and on.

Decluttering and organizing (you can’t do one without the other) are extremely complicated endeavors. Think of transforming a manufacturing process from making bicycles to shovels. Ugh! Decluttering is like that and you need a lot of help to do both.

No one talks about the emotional, generational, physical, logistical and time considerations of decluttering.

“Declutter the garage.” It looks so innocent on a to-do list, but that could be a month-long process selling stuff, a couple full bins of trash, asking neighbors if they want stuff, trips to the donation and DIY stores, oh my.

There is so much going on in the process of decluttering. You're not dumb or incapable. I promise, there is nothing wrong with you. You are not broken. You do not need to be fixed.

It’s not you! Look at all you bring to the world! You are a rock star at work and at managing your life. You have friendships and are so dedicated to your family. Other parts of your life for the most part (we all have glitches) flow effortlessly. If snags happen you are usually the one that creatively smoothes out the wrinkles.

Decluttering is a transformative process. You are changing the way you live, think, decide and feel.

Traditional decluttering I liken to changing the course of a river. On your own. The river has run south for decades. Now you want the river to flow north and you think you can do this by yourself and over the weekend.

Sit with the enormity of that task for a minute. Give yourself permission to release your soul from the burden of that. You don’t have to do this alone. Allow yourself to sit with the relief of that for one minute. Doesn’t that feel better.

From the moment you were wrapped in your first blanket you began a relationship with things.

You have grown up touching, playing with, acquiring, using, losing, loving and sometimes letting go of possessions.

Everything we own in your closet is swirling in the juice of the emotional, social, generational, physical, psychological mechanisms that shape our values and our identity. Does this help you see the complex ways we are connected to every item we possess?

So, be gentle with yourself.

Take a deep breath or two. Allow the overwhelm to melt away. I have a better way. A kinder way, a deeper way. I start with asking my clients to do two things:

Stop looking at your stuff.
Imagine living space when all this stress and mess is finally gone?

Yes, permission to stop thinking about your stuff. Luxuriate in that. Feel the space in your heart and soul that is now open. Begin to envision a life beyond the clutter. Imagine who you could become as you shed the stuff.

I begin from the inside out.

My client Jennifer had a solid vision for her home.

She wanted to start in a large closet that doubled as her office. Her vision was solid but she was stuck. After a few months she wasn’t motivated to do the homework. Jennifer stopped making progress.

In our coaching session, she didn’t think she deserved to have more help. Getting help from me is a luxury. Her thinking was, “I got myself into this mess. I have to get myself out of it.” Acknowledging our messages is an opportunity to rewrite the narrative.

After several coaching sessions, with no further progress I suggested she partner with Ann, a professional organizer. Wow, did those two go to town!

Ann sparked home and possibility into Jennifer’s decluttering project. Had Jennifer see the garage was the biggest roadblock - so they tackled that, then the basement and now Jennifer is ready for that office. The three of us continue to be Jennifer’s support team. Jennifer’s river is moving north now. The joy and successes Jennifer is living in has brought a new love into her life too.

If there are roadblocks that keep you stuck or overwhelmed and you are ready to see what this looks like in real life, I have made something with you in mind. It is a simple, honest guide that walks you through the process the way I walk my clients through it, one step at a time so you are never alone. Download it below and if it resonates, I would love to hear from you.

A FREE GUIDE FOR YOU